On-Line Dating with Lola’s Crew

Screen Name: LolaPI

Height: 5 feet, 7 inches
Eye Color: Green
Hair Color: Brown with copper highlights
Body Type: Athletic with curves and proud of it–weight training, biking, and yoga keep me in kick ass shape; tacos and chicken mole keep me curvy 🙂
Age: 29
Education: Degree in Criminal Justice from Cal State University Sacramento

Absolutely a non-smoker- Can’t kick ass if I’m gasping for breath. ¿Entiendes?
Grande pet lover: My Boxer’s name is Salsa
Non-Catholics need not respond

Single, never been married female seeks hunky male. Must be able to handle Xena girl who has occasional Cinderella tendencies (ie: over the top love for flirty skirts and stripper shoes). Prospective dates must like chicken mole, Kung Fu, detective novels, and undercover work (handcuffs optional).

Best first date: Romantic dinner and a night of salsa dancing.

Confidential File:
Dolores Cruz (Lola for short)

Novice Private Investigator at local firm and part time waitress at family’s restaurant, Abuelita’s

Interviewer’s Comments:
Talk about a bombshell. Ms. Cruz is the whole enchilada, complete with a body that can make a grown man cry. When she mentioned her belly button piercing, this interviewer nearly drooled on his notepad.

Why this woman is single is a mystery. She says she’s got two men vying for her attention (an old high school friend and her boss) and it seems someone’s out to kill her. But other than that…

She’s hot, but this interviewer will stay away from her inbox.

Screen Name: Callaghan_1

Height: 6 feet
Eye Color: Smoky Blue
Hair Color: Brown
Body Type: Athletic. Running and weight lifting break up long writing stints at the computer
Age: 32
Education: Degree in Journalism from Cal Poly San Luis Obispo

Pets okay. Special attraction to women who like Boxers (dogs and looking hot wearing a pair)
Strong moral compass a must. Need not be based on specific or organized religion

Guitar playing single male seeking attractive, strong, independent woman. Must know her mind and not be afraid to use it. Must want children, be able to engage in conversation using afore mentioned mind, and be wicked sexy. Navel piercing will bring me to my knees.

Best first date: Dinner at Zocolos, followed by playing pool at the Blue Cube. Connection will be best with a woman who’s open to what the night will bring…

Confidential File:
Jack Callaghan

Newspaper Columnist

Interviewer’s Comments:
OMG! Mr. Callaghan is one hot guy. Killer body. Bet he has a six-pack under that t-shirt. Maybe two. I’ll be sending my info to his inbox, pronto. ‘Course he says he’s in love with an old high school friend. Great. But her job is complicated and dangerous, so maybe I have a chance. But then there’s Sarah. Who’s the heck is Sarah?

Mr. Callaghan just moved back to Sacramento to take a job at the newspaper. His column runs on the front page of the Metro. You better believe I’ll be checking it out. I think I’ll clip out his byline photo for my personal use. *grin, wink, wink*

Screen Name: El_Guapo

Height: 5 feet, 10 1/2 inches
Eye Color: Brown
Hair Color: Black
Body Type: Muy Caliente, baby
Age: 32
Education: Two years college at Cal State University Sacramento; Majoring in Babes was a blast, but college wasn’t my game. Destined to take over family Mexican restaurant.

No pets (been living with my sister’s damn dog for too long)
Catholic girls are good (if I ever bring you home to meet la familia), but definitely not required for extracurricular activities

Confirmed bachelor seeking fun and games with no strings attached. Killer body and experimental tendencies preferred.

Best first date: Anything that ends us in bed or similar.

Confidential File:
Antonio Cruz

Restaurant Manager

Interviewer’s Comments: Cripes! This guy is something else. El Guapo. That’s an understatement. His goatee and the Raiders hat he wore during my interview with him made him look like a dangerous bodyguard–or something. I bet he’s fun–in a bad boy kind of way.

Says he spends a lot of time running the family restaurant since he’s saving to buy a house. Maybe I could be his personal interior decorator. Wonder what type of woman he’s into.

Hope he doesn’t have any STDs.

Screen Name: ElHombreMisterioso

Height: 6 feet, 1 1/2 inches
Eye Color: Black
Hair Color: Burnt Coffee
Body Type: Deadly–and licensed to carry a gun
Age: 35
Education: Degree in Criminal Justice from Cal State University Sacramento;
Police Academy

Smoking: Non-issue
Pets: Non-issue
Religion: Non-issue

Not quite divorced male seeking distraction from PI work. Current wife is Angelina Jolie in Tomb Raider clone. Current object of lust is sexy, Latina employee who’s got me wound up like a coil.

Best first date: Sparring, followed by intense gym workout and one on one session in the sauna. Clothing optional.

Confidential File:
Manuel Camacho (goes by Manny)

Ex-cop who now owns and operates Camacho and Associates, a small private investigation firm on the edge of Downtown Sacramento.

Interviewer’s Comments:
Major Red Flag on this one. He’s intense–and married. Double whammy.

Can’t say I’ve ever seen eyes quite so black, almost like they could bore right through my soul if he looked at me long enough. Not sure I want him looking. The interview was long enough.

Apparently he’s separated from the wife…and a little conflicted since he’s hot and bothered over an employee. Seems she’s about eight years younger than he is, and a novice PI. Add to that another employee who’s got the hots for him. I’m thinking this guy might be trouble.

Screen Name: CrayolaGirl

Height: 5 feet, 4 inches
Eye Color: Hazel
Hair Color: Changes with my mood. Current favorite is Indigo Blue
Body Type: Could lose a few pounds, but more to love, right?
Education: Of course. Diploma from McClatchy High School–Whoo-Whoo!

Social smoker. Willing to quit for the right guy
Not crazy about pets. Mom doesn’t like pet hair in the house
No religion to speak of, but willing to convert for love

Fun-loving single gal seeking fun-loving single guy to boogie with. Must like waffles in the wee hours of the morning, love all kinds of dancing, and anything J.Lo.

Best first date: Going dancing with friends then spending the early hours of the morning at a greasy spoon scarfing anything with syrup.

Confidential File:
Reilly Fuller

Ms. Fuller is an Office Assistant at a local private investigation firm.

Interviewer’s Comments:
Ms. Fuller appears to be obsessed with Jennifer Lopez. She is a bit full-figured and doesn’t resemble Ms. Lopez in any way, though she seems to think she does. She herself is not Latina, but seems to have almost convinced herself that she is (with the exception of her bright blue hair).

She informed this interviewer that she’s done at least one stake-out with the PI firm she works for (with her role model, a young Latina novice PI there) and is currently looking to be involved with this detective’s brother. Her ‘baby’ is her lime green Volkswagen Beetle and she seems to enjoy Denny’s and the like in the early morning hours.

Screen Name: Sadie_istic

Height: 5 feet, 3 inches
Eye Color: Icy blue that some say can turn people to stone
Hair Color: Platinum Blonde in a shaggy do. A little Meg Ryan, but less wholesome.
Body Type: Petite
Education: BA in Sociology, University of California, Irvine; 4.0 GPA

Hate animals, especially dogs. Allergic. Not opposed to cat-fights, especially with certain co-workers.
Religion? Hell no. Make your own destiny.

Feisty pixie seeking tall, dark, devilishly handsome detective to tame. Willing to use wily womanly skills to exert power over said man. Won’t tolerate interfering women who steal attention from my man.

Best first date: A stakeout in close quarters. Close second: A trip to Vegas for a night of Blackjack.

Confidential File:
Sadie Metcalf

Detective at Camacho and Associates

Interviewer’s Comments:
Talk about bitter. Ms. Metcalf appears to resent a co-worker’s relationship with their boss, and is angry about the boss’s wife suddenly being back in his life.

She strikes this interviewer as having the propensity to be diabolical and vengeful. She’s awfully cute, though, in a demented Tinkerbelle kind of way. And her long red nails are pretty sexy. Almost made me forget that she has a dangerous bent to her. Almost, not quite. Don’t think I’ll be submitting anything to her inbox.